4 questions most feared by men:

  1. What are you thinking about?
  2. Do you love me?
  3. Do I look fat?
  4. Do you think she is prettier than me?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (ie tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each questions is analysed below, along with possible responses. Women, this your lie-detector machine!!

Questions 1 - What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.”

This response obviously bears not resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

  1. Cricket
  2. How fat you are.
  3. How much prettier she is than you.
  4. Cricket.

Perhaps the best response to this questions was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”

Questions 2 - Do you love me?

The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.”

Inappropriate responses include:

  1. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
  2. That depends on what you mean by love.
  3. Does it matter?
  4. Who, me?

Questions 3 - Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!” Among the incorrect answers are:

  1. Compared to what?
  2. I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin.
  3. A little extra weight looks good on you.
  4. I’ve seen fatter.

Question 4 - Do you think she’s prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: “Of course not!” Incorrect responses include:

  1. Yes, but you have a better personality.
  2. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
  3. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
  4. Define pretty